There are times when I feel wrapped up in my own mind. Then, some instinct ‘taps me on the shoulder’ and I realise that I am moving through my day while disconnected from my body. Chaos is queen. Turning in, tuning back in and listening to my body, grounds me back into the present. The chaos settles into steadiness. Taking time to do small things with great love for my body re-aligns and balances me.
“Not all of us can do great things, but we can all do small things with great love.”
This quote struck a note with me at a time that an illness had taken over my ability to do anything particular ‘great’ with my life. I was struggling with doing even the boring day to day bits of life. At first it angered me. I wanted to rebel at the notion of not being able to do something great. I wanted to still believe that I could one day find my illness diminishing and recover enough to put it all behind me and then climb a mountain, change legislation, and contribute something fantastic to world literature…these were the ‘great things’ that fuelled my imagination.
Planting my head into the life I could or should be living instead of being ill was making the being part unbearable.
My imagination and will power alone could not shake off the bonds of my body.
And so this quote became a way to save my sanity. I had to reason with myself that I might never achieve these dreams. And if I could not I might become consumed by bitterness. No! I would not let illness turn me into someone who hated life. So the choice between living life embittered, or letting go of an imagined future, became an easy one. It felt almost practical in fact.
It made sense.
What also made sense was for me to re look at my blog. Things on my site had pretty much lapsed. Apologies, as blogging is definitely one of the small things I do love, and with Spring coming (or has it arrived? April is a tricky month in Britain) what better time to embrace a new beginning!
So here’s to the future on my blog, re focused around the wisdom of Mother Theresa.
I have been writing an autobiographical graphic novel about my experience of mental illness and creativity – and have now finished the book! In celebration of this I have published a short extract on my site. You can find it by following the link here: ‘The Butterfly Stage’.
(On a further note – I am going to be giving a presentation of this comic book as well as my other illustration and comic book art in London sometime in the next month. This event will be hosted by the wonderful Laydeez Do Comics! I will post the dates and other details once confirmed on my blog and if you are in the area then it would be great to see you there!)
Lots of drawing and sketching this week. The little figure in the middle is a caricature of my mum who has shared so much of her own inspiration with me, and certainly inspires me in return! (Thanks mum!) x