When I made this illustration I was dealing with severe period pain and it was also a super hot day. I do a smaller version of this in real life in my own sketchbooks but imaging this on a larger scale became the inspiration for making this small comic strip. Pain overwhelms everything I find and therefore finding a way to tame it somehow, to boundary it, feels so needed when it is at it’s worst. Pain killers are definitely part of that for me!
And yet there is also something else I find myself wanting and that is the sense of capturing what I’m experiencing emotionally and then expressing how that feels as well.
This time my pain came to life as a monster painted in deep red with claws, sharp teeth and an evil grin.
I felt I had defeated something for a short while at least.
Does anyone else do this? Or something similar? I’d be so interested to now how other people with persistent pain conditions (I have endometriosis) find ways to manage living with pain?
And whatever ways you cope I hope it brings you moments of peace and the distance from that pain to feel that you are and always will be more than that pain, despite how overwhelming it feels.
“Not all of us can do great things, but we can all do small things with great love.”
This quote struck a note with me at a time that an illness had taken over my ability to do anything particular ‘great’ with my life. I was struggling with doing even the boring day to day bits of life. At first it angered me. I wanted to rebel at the notion of not being able to do something great. I wanted to still believe that I could one day find my illness diminishing and recover enough to put it all behind me and then climb a mountain, change legislation, and contribute something fantastic to world literature…these were the ‘great things’ that fuelled my imagination.
Planting my head into the life I could or should be living instead of being ill was making the being part unbearable.
My imagination and will power alone could not shake off the bonds of my body.
And so this quote became a way to save my sanity. I had to reason with myself that I might never achieve these dreams. And if I could not I might become consumed by bitterness. No! I would not let illness turn me into someone who hated life. So the choice between living life embittered, or letting go of an imagined future, became an easy one. It felt almost practical in fact.
It made sense.
What also made sense was for me to re look at my blog. Things on my site had pretty much lapsed. Apologies, as blogging is definitely one of the small things I do love, and with Spring coming (or has it arrived? April is a tricky month in Britain) what better time to embrace a new beginning!
So here’s to the future on my blog, re focused around a new wisdom.
Lots of drawing and sketching this week. The little figure in the middle is a caricature of my mum who has shared so much of her own inspiration with me, and certainly inspires me in return! (Thanks mum!) x
This week I have loved having a blooming good cry! Or rather, to be more accurate, what I loved was the transformation as tears are shed. When the body and heart are lighter, refreshed and ready to go on.
A friend of mine, and an incredibly talented musician, has run some meditation webinars which allow listeners to meditate while she plays. Not really knowing what to expect and having never meditated with live music before I was amazed at how affected I was by the 5minute session. This has been the experience which I have loved this week.
So a big ‘thank you’ to Ayanna and if you want to check out her music and what she is up to here is a link to her website: